Elenwen's secret fantasies
by ocstek
Summary: A deep and emotional story, detailing a great adventure across the elder scrolls universe.


"Screw theeself!" said Tullius, as Rikke swung her sword at him.

"I art the rightful heir to the ruby throne, Tullius! Thou can join me or die a traitors death!"

"Never!" said Tullius. "Thou shall never defeat me!" he shouted as he suddenly CHIMed and made Rikke explode in a flash of green goo.

Suddenly, Ulfric and Galmar stormed in, who had besieged the city for weeks. As he saw the absence of Rikke, and the green goo on the floor, he said:

"Villain, what hast thou done?!"

"I hast done thy mother!", Tullius replied.

Enraged, Ulfric CHIMed and became Tullius's father.

"No," Ulfric shouted, "I hast done THY mother!"

Tullius, who now looked more nordic, started crying. "No! This cannot be!"

"But it is. Deal with it."

And with that, they both went back in time to Red mountain, where the Tribunal was giving an open air concert.

The Tribunal:

this is something new,

the casper slide part two,

featurin the platinum band,

and this time were gonna get funky, funky,

everybody clap ur hands, clap clap clap clap ur hands,

clap clap clap clap your hands

Jurgen Windcaller and the other Nord fans were screaming so hard that their throats became sore, and could no longer use their voice. That was how they lost the fan competition. This was how the Greybeards were born. Then, Vivec started his solo.

Vivec:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAA,

AAAAAAAEEEEAAAAAEEEAAAAAAAA-AAAA,

AAAA-EEEEEEE-AAAAAA-A-EE-A-EE-A-A

The Tribunal:

alrite now we're gonna do the basic step,

to the left,

take it back now y'all,

one hop this time,

right foot lets stomp,

left foot lets stomp,

cha cha real smooth,

turn it out,

The Dwemer were so excited by the concert that their collective excitement caused the Numidium to activate. Their entire race ascended to another plane. Awkwardly, they were declared winners of the fan contest.

The Tribunal:

to the left,

take it back now y'all

one hop this time,

right foot lets stomp,

left foot lets stomp,

cha cha now y'all

now its time to get funky

to the right now,

to the left,

take it back now y'all

one hop this time,

one hop this time,

right foot two stomps,

left foot two stomps

slide to the left,

slide to the right

criss cross,

criss cross,

cha cha real smooth

**Meanwhile, somewhere else in another time in another reality:**

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

The Dreugh shouted, being commanded by their Maormer overlords, as they razed Alinor to the ground. They had just defeated the entire Dominion Navy with the power of friendship, and now they wanted to establish their glorious nation of Sealand.

But their victory was disturbed as a massive Nordic warfleet arrived, led by High King Ulfric Stormcloak. Screaming at the top of their lungs they disembarked their boats and stormed the beach, only to stop their advance, confused. They were wondering why there were no Dumbminion Soldiers to fight them.

"Oi mates!" the Nords said, with their thicc accents. "Where 'are all teh goldy skins?"

"weesa already defeated them, you have to try somewhere else"

"Oh... ok"

Disappointed, the Nords went back to their boats, obviously frustrated. They had a long journey to Skyrim before them.

An even more frustrated Ulfric looked back at Alinor, that was getting smaller and smaller in the distance.

"Damn elves",

He uttered, and prepared himself for a long journey, for he was seasick.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

Elenwen screamed as she woke up, soaked with sweat. She breathed heavily, slowly recovering from this Hell of a Nightmare. Vaermina must've had a bad mood this night.

"What is it, sweetheart? A bad dream?"

"Oh honey, you can't even imagine, I've had the wors- wait a moment. I don't have a Husband!"

Slowly she looked to her left, only to see a naked Ysgramor, his infamous Axe in his arms, and the most smug grin on his face that would put any Altmer to shame.

Elenwen took a moment to process the situation, before letting out a scream that sent shivers down Molag Bal's spine.


End file.
